Troubled....

Was terribly drunk last night.. Vomitted like hell.. 2nd time since working at Ratchada... Baby said I almost vomitted my whole gastric out as he can hear it pumping gastric juice out loudly.. Was supposed to be back straight after work as Baby was waiting for me to take over him in playing mahjong with his friends but was held up by some customers who keep asking me to drink..

I'm greatly affected by work recently.. It has not been as gd as it first started.. Might be due to the appearance of new faces, new things added to the club or the opening of other new thai joints.. Working in this line in order to get good sales, there must be sacrifices..But I cant go to certain extend like some pple did as I feel sorry for myself... I just dun like to pacify pple & entertain customers so much when I'm not working.. As what my in charge say abt me, I'm more of a straight forward person.. I told her tt I'm so tired of wearing a mask whenever I'm at work, to the extend till I feel that this mask stay on even I'm not at work.. She then say it's a part and parcel of growing up... I also rmb telling her that last time we dancers dun need to go to this kind of extend to earn money & y is it becoming this way now?!  We are like actors... No matter what emotions affect them, they must still hide it inside and put a fake smile on them and finish their job.. Those with good acting skills will definately stand out from the rest and win... I've been thinking on how to pull my sales back like last time without feeling sorry.. Think I'm too prideful at times.. This is just very me..

Been trying to talk to Baby abt my work stuff but I guess he dun really understand how I feel.. He will have his own thinking and points when I'm trying to explain to him how I need to work on my job to get me going up.. He's like this everytime.. Can I say stubborn...??  Always have his very own thinking, own ways, own points and views in seeing things.. Cant change his thinking no matter how I explained to him so I always lose to him in debating over things.. I will automatically stop saying anything & kept very quiet as I know I will sure flare up if that conversation were to carry on.. But he will get more furious if I stay mute.. But end up he's always the one who gave in.. Still glad that he did.. :)